Why is it that many time I think things I shouldn’t and then freak out?!

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Unnatural Duality?

So here I am, and it seems that two realities exist simultaneously to one another. There is the old one, the one where we all live moments from doomsday, the one where any second Gabriel will blow the trumpet, and those whom have prepared will be taken, and then there is another reality.

The second one is hundred of years removed from the previous. All that was to happen has happened. Now we aren’t looking for physical kingdom establishment on earth, but rather an evolution of the spiritual mind. A world where anything is possible, but unity must be reached first. A world free of condemnation, and an endless effort to figure out what is good and evil.

My previous reality has been shattered, but still keeps going. Yet though I believe we are in the second place, there is still this subliminal dread that permeates the undercurrent of my subconscious.

What if I’m wrong?

God knows.

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The meaning changes everything

I saw it, clearly, as if a light came on, and then the vision rolled across my eyes. God confirmed his word the next day, and I saw the body of Christ in a new light.

But there was an unknown consequence…

When applying the definition I was given about what “in the name of” really means there was a crack in the foundation of my belief structure. Flaws began to be illuminated in a system that seemed completely infallible, and undefeatable.

I have gone from the most absolute assurance that one could hope to dream of to a cascading waterfall of shattering glass striking the pavement.

Jesus said “I am come in my father’s name.”

The name of Jesus is the name above all names.

Jesus obtained a more excellent name than they.

At the name of Jesus every knee shall bow and every tongue confess.

All things should be done in the name of Jesus.

By the name of Jesus, through the name of Jesus

This all means the same thing “POWER, AUTHORITY, and MERIT of JESUS”

So if that’s what it means, what is his name?

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So then there’s this…

It’s hard to explain the way I feel. In one way I am consumed by unspeakable freedom and release. Things are coming into focus, and the picture becomes clearer and clearer. The dust is settling, and my eyes are finally adjusting to the brightness of the light that is truth. For the first time clarity has become my comrade. I can see better than I ever have.

So then there’s this. Though my vision is unclouded, the blur gone away, and the veil is lifted, my eyes adjust to see the scenery.

As if a nuclear bomb had been dropped here many years ago, I see a field of desolation. Where once stood prominent edifices of ecclesiastical accomplishment, I now see ruin, and decay.

The body went from being a nucleus, a tiny fringe group on the outskirts of society. It was a few people with special revelatory knowledge feverishly working to proselytize the world to the whole of Christendom. I saw not just a patch of tiny nobodies hoping that they could somehow reach a few more people before the trumpet sounded.

It was like the prophet Elisha who opened the eyes of his servant. There are more with us than there are with them.

Yet those who are waking up shake off the dust of the deserts of manmade religion, and breathe in the putrefying stench of legalism, and licentiousness.

It feels good to be awake, aware, unbound, and free, but I must take in the good with the bad. The revelation of the body being worldwide, and any who believe, and love Jesus shows a sad state of affairs.

I see fractures, bruises, cuts, and wounds. I see a bride with filthy dress, cut up in walled off pieces, and involved in all our war. The arm says to the leg, “you can’t be the arm, I have no use for the leg.” The ears says to the nose “because you can’t hear you aren’t part of this body.” The nose replies to the ears “only noses go to heaven. Ears go to hell.”

What foolish trivial frivolity we find ourselves in?!

Whatever happened to love you neighbor? Bless and curse not? Prefer one another? God gives grace to the humble?

The Church has great promise, but it must first recover from its desolation.

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Subtle inquisition

A lot has happened since March of last year. Yet to me it seems as though this journey started a few years before that. I do not understand how people can take certain scriptures from the Bible and hold them high, and yet deny so many others.

Jesus said the Pharisees main problem was that they didn’t love people. They upheld the law, and even went above and beyond to obey it. Yet their love for others was shriveled behind their facade of plastic righteousness.

Here in these last days it seems as though the New Covenant suffers from the same plague. Pharisees who see themselves as carrying great knowledge, and holding such wonderful truth, yet love fades behind walls of man-made traditions, unfair expectations, and five star legalism.

I hope and pray that they wake up and realize the truth of their actions and the error of their ways.


I finally believe that I have clear direction for my life’s purpose. I finally have an indication for why I’ve endured so much loss, suffering, and betrayal. The picture is coming into view and their is hope at the end of the tunnel.

I believe that God has positioned me, and is working through me to bring about an absolutely earth shattering change, and impactful event that will draw the church into a unity the world has never seen before.

I truly believe that if I will just get ahold of what God has shown me, and hang on to this adventure ride called life, that we will truly see the world change before our eyes.

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We want a Pentecost. We want a modern day Pentecost. We want a modern day Acts 2 Apostolic Pentecostal Pentecost. A revival is coming. A revival to shape the land. We will have a Pentecost Pentecostal Apostolic modern day revival and harvest…

When I hear these terms I can’t but help think this is proof of regression in parts of modern day ecclesia. We have so many preachers who beg God for revival, harvest, and soul winning. They are pleading for churches to “catch on fire”, they want communities to awaken to God, and rush to the Church house. They want to see pews filled to the overflow with new people, and they want it all to happen in a single supernatural hyper-spiritualized emotional event called revival.

I don’t get it. I know what they are saying but what will happen if they get what they want. With the exception of people waking up to God, it seems like this would be devastating.

Imagine a mass produced clone army seemingly forming overnight that begins to overrun the world.

Imagine the same attitudes that proliferate many of these church buildings. Imagine a massive collective of judgmental, pharisaical, holier-than-thou, trinitarian hating, denomination despising, united people demanding that the rest of the church world join with them or else.

Imagine a people standing to condemn dress styles, hair dos, music habits, tv habits, and even where people choose to go in their free time.

How can the world have revival with a people at the forefront looking down their noses at others, accusing one another, and fighting within, and without themselves?

The world doesn’t need another Pentecost. It has one.

The world doesn’t need another big church building, another conference, another sermon, or another movement. It doesn’t need to fall in line with the manual, with the organization, with the elders, or the pastors and Ministers.

The world needs one thing, and one thing only. The world needs Jesus.

The church needs to stop renovating itself while looking for another reviving, but instead turn its eyes truly to the savior.

Works based salvation isn’t biblical. Neither is works based relationship.

We need to stop saying we have the truth and let the truth have us. We need to quit pretending we are some spiritually advanced group, some elitist club, some special religiously superior entity, and humble ourselves before destruction comes to our doorstep.

We may be able to read the word, and discern the truth in many cases. However we, just like every denomination, or organization on the earth, must realize how desperately we need him, and how little we truly know.

You can’t lead the churches in our world in revival if you are unwilling to join hands with them.

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But it’s wrong…

Why is is there is such an adverse reaction to speaking negatively about a person in position, especially in the church. I understand that speaking lies, and telling gossip is wrong. I do not think that people should bad mouth, and slander people to make them look bad, but I do not understand why it is so difficult to simply state when a person has made a choice, or choices that are no biblical, or godly.

There seems to be a double standard with things. People say that we just bring two or three witnesses when an elder is being accused. But how do you get those witnesses together? If every time someone says that there is an issue, and that person is silenced, labeled a gossiper, called an accuser, or labeled the broad term “disgruntled”, yet they are speaking the truth there is no way for that truth to get out there.

If they won’t allow people to speak about it then they are not allowing it to be done the right way.

Secondly there is all the talk of not touching God’s anointed. People bring up Moses and Miriam and say that this is proof positive why you should never speak of the bad things a spiritual leader has done.

I say hogwash.

If its so important for them to protect the anointed then they wouldn’t be so ready to talk down others who are anointed.

Right is right and wrong is wrong. There is no in-between.

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Oops I did it


No, not the Brittany Spears fiasco. I’m speaking of the fall, the failing, the mess up. I speaking of the fact that no matter how hard I try, I still can’t seem to stop from falling, or failing, or perhaps faileding.

I fall. We all do, but I feel like the Apostle.

When I try to do good evil is present with me.

Yet still. Another mistake, and another…

I’m not my judge. Thankfully…

Yet this sinner seems to resurface over and again and again.

What good is repentance if I continue in faileding?

There must be a better way, an understanding, a realization, or a revelation.

Either I must needs be delivered, or that which I think is sin isn’t really that which I think it is…

Oh wretched man that I am…

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The Show Must Go On

Round and round it goes. Where it stops nobody knows. This carousel continues to spin yet I effectively offers little fulfillment of divine order, and purpose.

Jump, dance, and twirl after you lie, steal, cheat, and deceive.

Maybe things have changed. Maybe humility has won, and no longer does pride reign. Sadly this is more than likely not the case or certain restrictions would be lifted. The abomination would no longer need t be fed, and truest of unifying could indeed take place.

Still, the show must go on. We had so many people. We have gifting. Hurry and step right up to see the miraculous, the signs, and wonders. Admission is of no monetary value.

It is simply paid by your blind obedience, absolute submission, and complete loyalty to the cause.

I watch you and wonder what is the point of it all? Is this really a biblically accurate way of doing this so called “church” thing?

Are we really so focused on the lights, sound, presentation, and theme that we neglect the truest of all edicts.

I thought this was about loving God and loving people. I thought our identity was in Christ and not some superfluous uber religious term. I thought we were suppose to have the mind of Christ, be a servant to all, surrender privileges, and endeavor for the unity of the brethren.

I guess I was wrong. Yet the show must go on. We must have another speaker, another program, another fund raiser, and another performance. We must involve ourselves in ecclesiastical entertainment and call it genuine praise and worship.

Is that really what it all boils down to? Money, fame, and pleasure?

If I didn’t know better I would cash in my chips and check out of this game. I would walk away from the whole lot of it.

Yet Jesus. The same yesterday, today, and forever.

His nature is never corrupted by those who misuse his giftings for their own personal gratification and advancement.

Is this really what it was supposed to become?

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The Compulsive Liar

All liars have their place in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone…

You’d think this would be enough. This imagery of flesh melting and falling from the bone as the body falls surrounded by spiritual flames that bring you to the point of death but it’s sweet release escapes you.

This feeling of swimming is an infernal void of regret, self loathing, and hopelessness. This place in a pit with a reserved seating section for the Liar.

How is it that every day there is more to learn, or rather to unlearn about you?

I find that the entire time I was pushing, pursuing, seeking God, and hearing from his that great things were going to happen you were consistently hindering me, and compulsively lying about it.

You never truly cared about my growth, success, or progress in the kingdom. You intentionally planned for me to never achieve great things in God, and most likely chuckled under your foul breath every time you heard me speak hope to that suffocating situation.

I pray you repent. Do you see your church drying up?

I pray you make it right. Do you notice the drops in attendance?

I pray you ask other to forgive you? Is the note weighing on you more and more?

I pray you wake up. Don’t you see that time is running out for you?

Imagine what it could have been like with genuine Christianity and relationship with God.

Maybe the saddest part of all is that you have believed your own lies, fabricated your own reality, and refuse to believe you are standing in a wasteland.

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